Rules of Engagement: Toxic Relationships

December 1st, 2013

Saul . . . a toxic person - 1 Samuel 16:21, 18:5-22, 19:10

Peter . . . a very good person with some toxic ways - Matthew 16:21-22

Saying no to relational toxicity - Matthew 16:23, Hebrews 4:12

Examples of toxicity in relationships

  • Obligation - guilt based - You outwardly conform to excessive, imposed expectations or control but are unduly stressed or inwardly resent it
  • Rejection - You generally feel put down, criticized, rejected in the relationship
  • Spiritually or emotionally degrading - you're generally discouraged by your interactions. drown into a negative frame of mind, tempted outward sin, etc.  
  • Bewildering - you receive mixed messages (like from Saul) that leave you feeling emotionally confused, hut, betrayed
  • Chaos - you are drawn into 'solving' the other person's often manufactured (unnecessary) crises due to their bad decisions, irresponsibility, addictions, etc.

Changing the toxic dance - new responses - Isaiah 43:18-19

Speak up - Ephesians 4:15, 4:25, Luke 6:26, 2 Timothy 1:7

Take quiet action - 1 Corinthians 4:20

If absolutely necessary . . . withdraw - Romans 16:17, Matthew 18:15-17, Romans 12:18

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Rules of Engagment: Say You’re Sorry! Now Say It Like You Mean It.

November 24th, 2013

Murder just got easier - Matthew 5:21-22

Reconciliation > Gifts to God - Matthew 5:23-24

The clock is ticking - Matthew 5:25-26

Obstacles to overcome - Proverbs 28:13 , 1 Peter 5:5

Straight A's

Make every effort - Romans 12:18, Hebrews 12:14


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Rules of Engagement: Family Dysfunction?

November 17th, 2013

What is Normal? - Acts 17:24-28

  • God never gets the wrong address
  • God has a plan - Romans 8:28

A Broken Family - Genesis 37

  • Bad parenting 101 - Genesis 37:1-4
  • Creating your own problems - Genesis 37:5-11
  • When sin strikes - Genesis 37:12-20
  • The clash of siblings - Genesis 37:21-36

An Egyptian Wife -> A Prison -> A Cup Bearer

  • Toxic people - Genesis 39:7-10
  • God's timing - Genesis 41:9-13

God is in Your Story - Genesis 45:1-8

  • Pain & loss
  • Redirection
  • Partnership
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Rules of Engagement: Family of Origin

November 10th, 2013

The power of family <--> Relational styles

Your family genogram

Models of child rearing

The biblical model - Deuteronomy 6:4-7 / Proverbs 22:6 / Ephesians 6:4

Generational problems - Exodus 20:4-6

Jesus <-> Family - Matthew 10:34-39

Adoption ? - John 1:12-13 / Romans 8:23 / Ephesians 1:5-10

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Rules of Engagement: Fight Fair

November 3rd, 2013

What's your strategy? 

Win / Lose - John 8:3-6
Lose / Win - Galatians 2:12; Acts 10:27-28
Lose / Lose - 1 Kings 3:24-26
Win / Win - John 8:10-11

Strategy for Win / Win

Seek first to understand, then to be understood - James 1:19, Proverbs 18:13, 18:2, 18:15, 20:5

Don't be defensive or counter-attack - 1 Peter 3:9, Proverbs 15:1

Argue about one thing at a time - 1 Corinthians 14:8-9, Proverbs 10:19

No anger intimidation or violence - Proverbs 3:31, James 1:19-20, 1 Corinthians 13:5

Don't play victim . . . don't "rescue" - Matthew 3:8, Philippians 4:13, Galatians 6:5

Consider appropriate timing - Ephesians 4:26, Ecclesiastes 3:1



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Rules of Engagement: Wounds of a Friend

October 27th, 2013

Love enough to admonish - Ephesians 4:2-3, Colossians 3:15

Admonish - To reprove or correct gently but earnestly, to counsel or caution, to remind of obligation or responsibility


Proverbs 27:17
1 John 4:18
Provers 27:6

How to admonish - Romans 15:14

"Full of goodness"

Ephesians 4:15
James 1:20
Matthew 18:15
Matthew 7:1-5
Galatians 6:1

"complete in knowledge"

Proverbs 18:17
Matthew 15:9

On the receiving end

Proverbs 17:10
Proverbs 15:31
Proverbs 9:8-9

  • Due to technical difficulties, there is low level static during the first 3 minutes.  We apology for the inconvenience. 


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Rules of Engagement: I’m ok? You’re ok? It’s ok.

October 20th, 2013

Acceptance and Rejection - Galatians 2:11-6

People's Value - Psalm 139:13-16

It's All About Love - 1 Peter 4:8, John 13:34-35

Steps to Take - Ephesians 4:1-3

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Rules of Engagement: Driven By Distraction

October 13th, 2013

Facebook / Godbook?  - Psalm 46:10

Technology <-> Wisdom

3 Dangers . . .
  • The threat of addiction - 2 Peter 2:19
  • The threat of apathy - Hebrews 6:12
  • The danger of never being alone - Matthew 6:6

Distractions - Luke 10:38-42

What are my distractions?

Good / Better / Best

> Jesus' one-point plan

3 Thorns - Marks 4:18-19

  1. The thorn of the worries of this life
  2. The thorn of the deceitfulness of wealth
  3. The thorn of the desires for other things

Priorities - Mark 1:35-39

Jesus was a very busy man

-> What does God want me to do? 


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